One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
