I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its not stalking. its research.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
