yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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