"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
