Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
