it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just pynch a tree in the face
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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