With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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