i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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