omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
