'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
