so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
