The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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