No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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