would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you would pick up someone in the library
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
