the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
