Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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