At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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