y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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