I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I intend to get homeless drunk
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
