The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
