A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
