I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
