I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
