Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
