the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
