I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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