She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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