I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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