When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
