there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
