at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
