I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
