She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize