you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
