...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
