The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
