Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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