i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
