Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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