I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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