Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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