Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
