I just made out with a guy for $7.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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