I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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