Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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