I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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