At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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