I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
