the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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