We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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