I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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