SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
