I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
