I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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