She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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