I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
