Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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