I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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