I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
