If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
