I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
