Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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