Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
false alarm. still invincible.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i drank out of a bidet.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
