I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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