i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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