haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
