I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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