Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
