worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
