well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
