I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
