I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
