i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
