i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
