So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
