For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
