Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
