I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
