I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i came on her dog
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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