Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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