I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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