Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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