Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
