I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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