True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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