I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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